Sunday, 15 June 2014

My journey of eating & exercising

I was asked to make a post about my eating and exercising habits since I seem to exercise a lot and be in good shape (thank you <3). I thought that it would be a bit boring and also short post if I wrote just
about my habits nowadays, so that's why you can hear my journey which I wouldn't have told to anyone
a few years back. However, if you just want to hear how I exercise and eat now, scroll down!

 I remember making a similiar post on my previous blog but I don't mind making it again. 
I am just gonna tell a bit about my attitude (now and before) towards food and sweets and exercising. I
haven't made any list about the things I should write so this may be really messy!

food addict | via Facebook

So, for the first: I love food. I like to cook and especially eat the things I have made :3 I could eat all day.
Some of my friends ask if I eat anything, if I refuse taking a candy or so. If I refuse from something, it
doesn't mean I don't eat anything. It means either
1. I don't feel like it
2. I have self control

Let's go back to the beginning of my "food and exercise journey":
I started exercising when I was in 7th grade, so 13 years old. I exercised once or twice a week because
my mom asked me to go to classes with her. I started with aerobics and circuit training, which I  still do. 
Back then I didn't really care yet what I ate, until the summer after 7th grade. I tried not to eat
candy for one month (I have always loved candy and I could eat it every day). I don't even remember
why I did it.. I think I wanted to be thinner even though I was quite thin. The area above my stomach
was a bit swollen all the time though for some kind of reason: might be the snacking. I actually think
that was the reason I wanted to stop eating candy and lose weight..
I had a lot of pics of that summer but I have no good pics on this laptop and I accidentally deleted everything
from my last blog ):
I could find one pic of me, though and sisters of Joanna. This has been on my previous blog.

I had started to get pressure of looking good and being thinner. I was obsessed by it. In the
beginning of 8th grade, when I was 14, I was only thinking about food and how "fat" I am. I did have
a bit more fat in my body that time if you compare it to where I am now but I wasn't even close
to being fat. Around this time I was also bullied at school, even more than my friends which were
bullied, and I think it also made me a bit depressed. It was the time of dark eyeliner (not related, but still ;))
and the time when I ate nothing at school. If I ate something, it was just one little potate or a slice
of bread without butter or so. I remember cutting little pieces of potato into even smaller pieces
at school, because I had heard that in that way you get filled faster. Then I heard some girl
next to me saying "Is she anorectic..?" and I was actually proud of that. I was adoring really thin bodies
even though anorexia isn't good in any way.

please don't remove this image


^ that is what kind of body I was adoring in 8th grade: bones and skin. I got so much pressure
of that so I just tried to exercise a lot and eat little: it didn't really work that way. I didn't eat regularly
which made my sugar levels go too low and what happens then: I start to crave for sweets. I could
eat one chocolate bar (250g) a day and then feel guilty about it. I ate sweets secretly when my parents
were out. After these kind of days I tried to eat really healthy and little and was proud of myself.
I think I was close to BED (Binge eating disorder) which is kind of like bulimia without puking. You just
eat even though you are full and feel really guilty afterwards.
When I was 14, I would have never written these things on my blog. I am not like that anymore
so I am ready to tell about it.

In 9th grade (15 years old) I was still obsessed by eating and exercising but it wasn't as bad anymore.
I wasn't bullied anymore and I didn't binge that much anymore. It was getting better but I still wanted
to lose a few kilos. I tried to eat healthy and exercise but since I was still eating a lot of sweets, it didn't
really help. I was still really insecure and was looking at my body all the time when I could. I was
comparing it to models (pics that are photoshopped) and pretty much to everyone who I thought looked better than me.

When I went to senior high school, I started to think less about food. Exercise was still really
important to me and I wanted to make my body look better. I didn't want to lose weight per se but 
I wanted to look more toned. I did still eat a lot of sweets but it wasn't as much an obsession. I tried
many times not to eat sweets etc. for x time but I always failed. 
At the age of 16 I started walking outside as an exercise but I didn't like to do it a lot.. I didn't want people
 see me exercising for some kind of reason.

Now it is 2 years from that. I still love sweets and if I eat them, I still crave them the next time. The
difference now is that I have self control and I am a lot more confident, I can thank Ted for that.
He is the one who has been supporting me all these times and the only one who made me feel even
a bit better when I was feeling so insecure. 
Nowadays I exercise not to lose weight or anything, but to make myself stronger and see progress. 
I also want to keep my body in the way it is now: of course there are always some things you want to
improve but I am not gonna stress about it. I enjoy exercising now and it isn't something that I have to do
all the time. 
I eat regularly and I don't snack as much. I am trying to eat sweets once or twice a week, only on
weekends. I have succeeded in that for some time now and I don't mind eating one cookie with
coffee. I am not as "mean" to myself anymore and I have realized that I don't need to look like a model.
Everyone can be a model with photoshop ;) Now I am also really excited about running and I just
love to see the progress!

Run away

What I am trying to say:
I am feeling a lot better now, I feel good in my body and I feel good about my life.
I enjoy eating sweets but I also know that I don't feel good if I eat them too much, so I have the
self control. I enjoy exercising because of the feeling I get after it. I exercise about 3-5 times a week,
depending how I feel. I am not making myself do it.
I just feel a lot more confident and happy <3 I haven't been better for about 5 years. Finally
I am getting over those times and I am ready to be happy being me.

My love for this though

Summer ^_−☆

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